BURT MALONE LETTERS: Zombies STILL all over the small screen...

People like Malone have been 'binge watching' before there was a term for it, and no surprise, he has been devouring all things zombie that the idiot box has to offer.  So here we go in another edition of "Malone takes on TV Zombies".


Hey asshead.

Since you just copy paste my letters like the lazy buffoon that you are, I'm going to structure this letter a little more like the rest of your dumb posts where you chronicle the moronic banter of those two tools.


I'm going to interrupt this, actually to say... HARSH.


Most people probably come here for Malone anyways.  So give the people what they want.  Alright. So I've been combing the depths of Netflix for more TV Shows with zombies that I have checked out yet.  My search came up, to my surprise, with some totally adequate and competent television.

iZombie, from 2015, is into its third season at this point, and I have to say, maybe it's because I went in with a super low bar, but this thing delivers.  Funny, for the most part, when it tries to be, and a cast of actors that I actually want to keep watching.  Characters that I want to root for!  Look, some of it is a bit lame, and not ALL of the jokes land, but the story and hook to the show is original enough to keep me engaged, and I ended up wanting to go back for more.  Three out of four!

Moving along.  I finally got around to watching Ash vs. Evil Dead.  Bruce Campbell dusts off the old Ash role and slaps it on like a nice comfy old pair of jeans.  Ash seems to be a bigger asshole than I remember... but maybe it's just been that long since I've seen the original movies.  Honestly, seeing him reprise the role, and for an ongoing, well produced, well written TV show... I mean, it give me a bigger joy boner than seeing Ford do Han again.  And believe me, that was a big boner.  Speaking of big boner, damn, Ash is a huge dick.  Three out of four as well.

At some point I knew I'd get to one I didn't like so much.  this brings me to The Returned... an A&E (?) production that is the fourth (?) re-ash of the same story.  I know the French one "Les Revenants" was based off a French movie, so this is the second or third level in of "based on based on based on" or something.  Not a bad show. But how about just doing one that hasn't already been done.  Lump this one in with Spiderman and Batman in the "I DON'T WANT ANOTHER VERSION WHO EVEN GIVES A SHIT IF ITS GOOD" category.  Two out of four.

My journey through Netflix, thankfully ended on a high note.  The Glitch is fucking cool.  It does bear some similarities to the above mentioned re-hash of a re-hash, but it is its own thing entirely.  I won't spoil anything, but it is well written, well acted, and at times, creepy as you want it to be.  FOUR ON FOUR.

There.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Love, Malone.


Great.  Now I have more stuff to add to my list of things I want to watch but probably never will have time to.  See you on the other side.


  1. otis rampaging heterosexuality15:31

    I like the two gorgeous babes in the picture but i wish those four accursed geezers weren`t in the same shot, Kev could you somehow digitally mask those four odious and irritating blokes out of the image leaving just the two gorgeous birds then the picture would be much more palatable, thanks.

  2. Starkwell15:38

    Just with regards to Ash vs Evil Dead: I desperately want to perform literally every concievable and possible sex-act in the known universe on Lucy Lawless (as the bird was in 1986 when the bird was 18, not as the middle-aged slag is now obviously).

  3. Lovelock15:50

    Agreed, the 18 year-old Lucy Lawless was on a par with the 17 year-old Pauline Hickey and thats no exaggeration i tell ya`, oh those tits, those tits, unbe-fucking-lievable.

  4. Nice to see you back, Kev, however briefly. :)

    Also neat seeing you cover an Australian show!

  5. Kev D.17:59

    Cheers Chris, i just wondered whether you agreed that when Pauline Hickey was 17 in 1985 the bird was THE most incredibly gorgeous bird of all-time ! ?, i`ve never seen a more unbelievable bird than that, the bird was totally amazing.

  6. Chris Hewson18:16

    Theres no question that the bird was truly astonishing 33 years ago in 1985 when the bird was 17 like you said, the tits on the bird were quite astounding and total perfection, as for whether or not the bird was THE most incredibly gorgeous bird of all-time, well theres been some unbelievably tasty birds over the years but that bird was certainly one of the best, no doubt about it.

  7. Kev D.21:02

    What other birds were you thinking about Chris ?.

  8. Chris Hewson21:09

    Well primarily (and obviously perhaps) i was thinking about the 18 year-old Dolly Parton from 1964, that bird was totally unbelievable back in those days.

  9. Kev D.21:12

    True, very true.

  10. Hey, what the heck is with these comments? That first one is me, but the rest are positively not me, or you, Kev. Ugh, that guy that keeps screwing with your comments.

  11. Kev D.17:22

    Yeah Chris that troll is admittedly a slight irritant but then again i do completely agree with literally everything he says thats why i dont delete him.

  12. Chris Hewson17:31

    So you`re a fan of the 17 year-old Pauline Hickey from 1985.

  13. Kev D.17:40

    Yes i am, that bird really was THE most astounding bird i`ve ever seen.

  14. Starkwell08:41

    Heres a list of things i desperately want to do to the 17 year-old Pauline Hickey from 1985 - I want to fuck the bird, bugger the bird, sodomize the bird, 69 the bird, spunk all over the bird, and, of course, OF COURSE, tit-fuck the bird senseless for six months non-stop and spunk all over those astonishing knockers literally every five minutes for the entire six months ! ! !, what a truly amazing bird that was in 1985 at the age of 17, totally beyond belief.