BURT MALONE LETTERS: Fear The Walking Dead's Chris - I'm Glad He's Dead.

I hadn’t heard from him in a while, so imagine my surprise when Burt Malone sent me a letter!  It was a short one, sure, but pretty much to the point.  I guess he’s all caught up on the “Walking Dead” spin-off series “Fear the Walking Dead”.  Or at least he got far enough to make a bold statement.  Here you go.


Hey.  Why didn’t you forward me your new address, asshole.  You’ve been there for over three years and it’s been almost that long since we’ve heard from you, or since you’ve sat down with Starkwell and Lovelock.  What gives?

Well, anyways, I watched most of “Fear the Walking Dead”.  It’s ok.  The characters all pretty much suck, but they’ve come up with some good settings for dystopian shit.  I like the hotel thing.  And the bazaar was cool.

SPOILER ALERT BEST SCENE IS WHEN THEY KILL THAT FUCKING TEENAGE BOY.  Man did that character suck.  I think I’d rather watch “Z-Nation” then see another scene with that loser.  R.I.P. Travis and all, but HOLY SHIT did you ever make a shitty son.

Hope this letter finds its way to you.  I ran into Dr. Heckfire on the line, and he got me your snail mail address.  Hopefully he wasn’t lying, Fapperwheel style.


I honestly don’t know what half of this letter is talking about.  But shout out to Dr. Heckfire.  I’ve invited Starkwell and Lovelock over for coffee to see if we can reconcile and get the band back together.  Keep on keeping on, as they say.


  1. Starkwell11:15

    I want to bugger and tit-fuck Pauline Hickey (as the bird was in 1985 when the bird was 17, not as the middle-aged slag is now obviously).

  2. Lovelock11:19

    Every geezer in the world would`ve loved to have buggered and tit-fucked the 17 year-old Pauline Hickey in 1985, THATS A GIVEN ! ! !.

  3. Kev D.11:27

    Hey! you two, i`ve told before to only talk about zombie movies on this site, its not a forum for your sexual fantasys.

  4. Starkwell and Lovelock11:34

    Sorry Kev but we had to break the rule, when Pauline Hickey was 17 in 1985 the bird was totally amazing, THE most incredible bird we`ve ever seen ! ! !.

  5. Kev D.11:40

    Yeah admittedly that bird was absolutely unbelievable and quite astonishing in 1985 so i`ll forgive you this time.