Germ Z.

Although it appears that the film’s actual title is simply “Germ”, at some point someone decided to Asylum-ize this film and add the “Z” in order to mockbust the movie based on a book that it ended up being nothing like at all.  That being said, perhaps it was just the marketing that tried to make a mockbuster out of this.  Maybe at it heart, it was originally an original story.  Lovelock and Starkwell will certainly not take all that long to figure it out.


[Screaming dude runs after a guy with a humpback (?) and then, while screaming, his head explodes.]

Lovelock: Did his head explode or was he wearing a red water balloon hat?

Starkwell: We may be in for a short ride.  Meaning I may leave soon.


The movie has already bounced the timeline around a couple of times.  The acting is bad.  Real bad.  But it’s a low budget deal, so that can be forgiven.  Anyways, the story seems to be about a meteor bringing a space virus down to earth.  The timeline makes no sense though.  They jumped to “forty hours earlier” but then immediately went back to the present without having any reason to jump around.  So yeah the meteor crashed on Earth.  Also they’ve introduced more characters than they likely need in this movie.  There’s Deputy Guy and his Friend With Benefits that he humped in the woods, there’s her whole family, there’s a bunch of military dudes, and for whatever reason, a yoga class.  And Deputy Guy has a partner who CLEARLY is all “fat comic relief guy”.


[Friend With Benefits takes her sister to her Girl Scout campout weekend.]

Lovelock: Something needs to happen… OTHER than introducing a bajillion characters that I already don’t care about.


Then we see a volleyball game with the DOUCHIEST guy ever with a killer farmer’s tan wearing a wifebeater.  Insane.  Enough characters.  I assume the guy making it invited EVERYONE HE’S EVER KNOWN to be in his shitty movie.


Lovelock: ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

[Starkwell quietly leaves, as to not wake up Lovelock.]


Nearing the half way mark through the movie, there has not been one zombie in this OUTBREAK movie.  The cover shows a guy in a city armed with all sorts of weapons surrounded by the infected.  All we have is one guy who has been eaten, but it wasn’t shown.  A deputy who has no balls and DEFINITELY no cool guns, and, oh yeah, it’s not in a city, but rather, in a small Crystal Lake like town.  The second half of the film picks up a bit, and at least has some action (some), but all in all, this is a dud, and I can see why Starkwell bailed and Lovelock fell asleep.  What was the head exploding at the beginning?  What in the fuck?  Slow-moving, and pointlessly dragged out… five or ten minutes worth of bad story stretched out to eighty-five boring horrible minutes I can't get back.  Ouch.

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