Days of Darkness.

Apparently this one involves alien organisms from a comet infecting the living and turning them into zombies.  Lovelock and Starkwell don’t seem super enthusiastic.  Maybe it will surprise them and be GREAT.  Probably not.


[Comet flies through space.]

Lovelock: Holy shit, the CGI looks about as high-tech as a local furniture store commercial.

Starkwell: I was thinking mattress warehouse, but yeah, I agree.



[Zombie attack.]

Starkwell: This movie makes “The Asylum” movies seem high-budget.

Lovelock: At least it’s not wasting any time.

Starkwell: I disagree, I feel that it has already assured me that the whole thing will be one big waste of time.


Starkwell: Slasher and DEEJAY?  What the fuck is with their names?  Man, this movie sucks already.

Lovelock: I’m going to give it a chance.

Starkwell: Yeah good luck with that.

[Starkwell leaves.  In the distance, you can hear tires screeching and a car racing away.]


Thank goodness Starkwell left… just in time to NOT hear the character who turns out to be a porn star give the other “actor” a lecture about how many dudes have had sex in her ass.  There appears to be no likeable characters.  Even Lovelock seems annoyed at everyone.


[Steve reveals that he found a penis and balls.  It fell out of the pant leg of the zombie he was next to.]

Lovelock: And with that severed cock’n’balls closeup, I’m out.


I’m not sure if he’ll be back.  I’ll let the film continue playing, maybe he’ll come back.  There’s still like an hour left.  He just missed a close-up on the zombie’s open sore where his genitals USED TO BE.  As the characters get lamer and lamer, I am not all that confident that he’ll be back.  Ever.


  1. I might watch it just to figure out what's going on in the that picture, and to hear the lecture about how many dudes have had butt sex with that lady. I never thought those two would completely bail on any movie. Seems you have won.

    1. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I can't help but feel a sense of pride. Or shame. I never remember which.

  2. Anonymous19:38

    Furniture/mattress store CGI, oh MAN they re on fire!