The same director that brought us “Stacy” decided to dive right back into the zombie genre ass first with “Zombie Self-Defense Force”. After how much Lovelock and Starkwell hated his previous work, I won’t dwell anymore on introducing this film. Here, we, go…
[Every Japanese stereotype you could think sees a UFO.]
Lovelock: I guess if it’s a Japanese person making the film, it’s not racist?
Starkwell: Whatever it is, it’s the cheapest computer effects I have ever seen.
Lovelock: It looks like a local mattress store commercial.
[Soldiers go to investigate.]
Starkwell: She looks like she can barely hold her head up while wearing that helmet, let alone be a combat soldier…
Lovelock: In Japan, women come first… wait is that how it goes?
As the outbreak starts, RIGHT AWAY, The gore effects are absolutely terrible, but Lovelock feels “somehow it gives it a certain charm… well, so far, anyways.”
Starkwell: Of course the underwear model survives.
Lovelock: I think she’s a pop singer.
Starkwell: Same difference.
As much as Starkwell wanted to hate the movie, he couldn’t help but appreciate that the movie doesn’t take itself seriously, and even pokes fun at itself, but in a somewhat intelligent way. So far, so good. It also seems to have respect for the material it intends to replicate and "honor".
[We think Girl Soldier might be a cyborg.]
Starkwell: So Aliens and Zombies weren’t enough? We need to throw in man-made cyborgs?
Lovelock: Why settle for a burger when you can have a TWO burgers... and fries?
Starkwell: Increased potential for diarrhea, for starters.
[Pregnant zombie explodes, and then, zombie fetus.]
Starkwell : How could anyone have thought that puppet would work.
Lovelock: Are we watching the same thing? This is incredible.
Starkwell: I think something is lost in translation.
Lovelock: But no one is talking…
Starkwell: No, I mean between me and you.
Then for a while, Starkwell and Lovelock didn’t have much to say. The movie was pretty cookie cutter. The characters were bunkered down in a house in the woods, zombies trying to get in. It was all pretty fun.
[Soldier Girl is part machine – they revived her after a critical injury BIONICALLY.]
Lovelock: So basically she’s "Robocop".
Starkwell: If that helps you understand it.
[On the subject of why was she a cyborg?]
Starkwell: So basically they just wanted to make her kick ass, but needed an explanation, so they came up with cyborg.
Lovelock: There are aliens and zombies… you would think they would trust us to suspend our disbelief enough to allow her to kick ass without being a cyborg.
[On the subject of why there are UFOs crashing.]
Starkwell: So the UFOs crashing were a coincidence and had nothing to do with the zombies?
Lovelock: Well it appears that the world is ending.
Starkwell: Now I think there HAS to be something lost in translation.
Lovelock: It's pretty simple, basically she’s "Robocop".
The movie ends, and, in fact, the last ten minutes were the worst part of the movie.