The Beyond.

Italian shockmaster Lucio Fulci’s ‘The Beyond’.  It is loosely considered to be a part of his series of “dead” movies, and if it lives up to the hype, promises to be a good one.  This release from Grindhouse Cinema has a fantastically creepy menu, complete with tense music, making this movie already better than most.  The guys have been asking about this one for a while, so, without any further ado, let’s enter the Beyond.


[Opening shot is a flashback to Louisiana, apparently.]

Starkwell: Louisiana in the twenties was surprisingly out of focus.

Lovelock: And kind of brown.


[Horrifying images of Hell breaking loose.]

Starkwell: Alright, I’m starting to freak out a little.

Lovelock: My pants are kind of brown.


[Guy's face starts melting.]

Starkwell: Inappropriately funky bassline!

Lovelock: It’s to help symbolize that his face is becoming JAM.

Starkwell: I hate you.


For a little while Starkwell kept talking about the added creepy effect that the overdubbing has.  Lovelock rolled his eyes. At the same time, we see creepy white eye women.


[A plumber comes by to look at a problem with the pipe.]

Starkwell: Hammer and chisel, the tool of choice for all… plumbers?

Lovelock: All good plumbers.


[The plumber basically gets swallowed by Hell, in a sense.]

Lovelock: I don’t think he’s getting up.

Starkwell: She seems surprisingly unaffected.

Lovelock: There’s a lot of gas down there, she’s probably a bit loopy.


[Creepy white-eyed blind woman warns the main character of the dangers in the house.]

Starkwell: Take the word of the creepy blind woman?

Lovelock: Wouldn’t you?


[For whatever reason, the actors chose to try and employ a Southern accent.  It adds nothing to the movie, and there is really no reason for it.]

Starkwell: The whole southern accent thing is getting a bit thin.

Lovelock: I think it’s really authentic, you can hardly believe it’s an Italian production.

Starkwell: That sign reads “DO NOT ENTRY”.


[Somewhere amidst all of the horrifying imagery and bizarre dreamy dream sequences, confusion runs a plenty.]

Starkwell: I’m so confused.

Lovelock: I’m so happy.


[There seems to be a near indifference towards death in this movie.  This one revolves around a kid whose mother just died at the hands of the GATE TO HELL.]

Starkwell: “We’re so sorry about your mom, well, see ya!”.

Lovelock: Maybe she can live at the cemetery.


[For the first time, some people start to seem legitimately scared.]

Starkwell: Where was all of that fear before you decided to break into the creepy forbidden hell room?

Lovelock: Probably in the- GAAAAH I JUST SHIT MY PANTS.


Lionel wanted me to remind everyone that IBS and horrifying movies don’t often mix well.  Also, don’t eat pepperoni sticks.


[A man dies by being eating by tarantulas, that start on his face.  An incredible effect for when this was filmed, no doubt.]

Lovelock: I think from now on I might rate deaths on a scale from one to ‘FACE EATEN BY TARANTULAS’.

Starkwell: For this movie?

Lovelock: For ever.


[Fulci, known for the eyeball gag in Zombi 2, uses yet another eyeball gag here.]

Starkwell: How many eyeball gags before it’s too many?

Lovelock: That’s like asking how many sex before it’s too many?

Starkwell: What does that even mean?


[Blind woman has a seeing eye dog, that she really shouldn't be putting through all of this.  But then the dog turns on her, thanks to the gate to Hell of course.]

Starkwell: I’d say that’s misuse of a Seeing Eye Dog.  Hopefully-

Lovelock: Woah! Yes! DOG JUSTICE!

Starkwell: If only Jerry Lee had done that to Belushi in ‘K-9’.

Lovelock: The character in the movie or the real Belushi?

Starkwell: What do you think?


[Randomly, the dead start rising, and we get some righteous zombie action.]

Lovelock: This movie is perfect, is probably what I would say if I understood what was going on.

Starkwell: When the gates of Hell are opened, people pick up and drop their bad southern accents as they see fit.


[Further Zombie action ensues, Fulci flexes his Zombie muscles.  The main characters hide in a morgue... from the rising dead.]

Starkwell: When the dead are coming back to life, trying to hide in the morgue seems a bit silly.

Lovelock: Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.


I won't spoil the ending, but the imagery is, for lack of a better way of saying it, COMPLETELY FUCKING HORRIFYING.  The movie ends and Starkwell is just sitting there speechless, until he bolts up, says “This wasn’t a movie, this was a nightmare!” and turns on all of the lights in the apartment.  Lovelock is rocking back and forth in the foetal position, but both of his thumbs are up, so I guess that’s as much of a stamp of approval as any horror movie could ask for.  It’s beyond what they had expected.


  1. Anonymous18:38

    Gamedoc doesn't want to be a dick but isn't plummer like pipes spelled plumber? Unless the plumber is played by Christopher Plummer, which would be awesome and I'd apologize.

    This was the best post yet. It was hilarious and really makes me want to watch the movie, well done man.

  2. @GameDoc: It's my favorite Fulci movie, for sure.

  3. jervaise brooke hamster15:39

    "AND YOU WILL FACE THE SEA OF DARKNESS, AND ALL THERE-IN THAT MAY BE EXPLORED", arguably one of the greatest endings to any film in the entire 122 year history of the medium of the moving image since its invention, circa 1889.

  4. As I said, definitely my favorite Fulci movie.